Married readers, it’s too late for us on this one, but to my single readers:
You may be thinking that if/when you get married, you want an equal partner, someone with whom you can share the load of whatever life might bring your way. Someone who folds laundry without being asked, handles the taxes, makes sure the bills are paid, unloads the dishwasher and knows when to give you a hug and when to stay at least 10 feet away.
I assure you, you do not.
Because what happens when that (hypothetical, of course) equal partner who happens to be self employed with basically no required travel suddenly has to travel for three weeks?
You’re toast.
I’m kidding, obviously (or am I?). I sent out a flare and alerted the grandparents and aunts and uncles and we’re going to be fine. The kids are going to experience Uncrustables for the first time and probably eat a lot of Lunchables. We’re all going to do our best and we will be fine (how many times do I need to say it to make it true?).
But this is not what we had planned for our summer and it makes me think about how vulnerable it is to trust someone else, to rely on someone else. Because what if they let you down? What if they have to travel unexpectedly for weeks at a time? What if they leave? What if for any number of reasons they’re just… not there?
In some ways, extreme independence is easier. I won’t let myself down. Even when I’m tired, I set the expectations and then I meet them. If I let myself down, the only person to blame is me. It’s simple. It’s safe. It makes sense, even if it does completely wreck my nervous system and is antithetical to developing deep relationships. But who needs a regulated nervous system or a sense of connection when you can have a false sense of control, amiright?
I had planned to keep up the pace of weekly posts here for the summer, but that’s not going to make sense now. What we’re doing here matters to me. We’re not just talking about living with presence and creativity and joy, we’re practicing it in the way we read books, the way we make lunch, the way we think and move and live.
For me, this summer, that looks like mornings at the counter with the kids, dipping toast dripping with melted butter into golden “dippy” egg yolks. It looks like applying and reapplying sunscreen, brushing teeth, doing baths and bedtime, packing and unpacking the pool bag. It looks watching them, with all their childlike confidence, jump in the pool over and over and over again right next to the high school boys who are casually flexing their muscles as they throw in the high school girls who are covering their insecurity with swagger. It looks like stepping on a bee while chasing a certain three year old down and hobbling around on a swollen foot for a while (0/10 do not recommend).
We’re going to eat a lot of ice cream and take a lot of walks and ask for help and go to bed exhausted .
And I don’t want to miss it all because I’ve deluded myself into thinking all that living is getting in the way of writing about it.
I’m stepping back for the month of July and the first half of August but in the meantime, I will be re-sending some favorites from the last year! OG subscribers, you’ll get to revisit some oldies but goodies (OR skip them!) and new subscribers you’ll get to read them for the first time!!
You will still get a new book pairing (Emily Henry lovers, get ready!) and my best books of the year (so far) and I’ll be back in August!
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Ah the lie that living gets in the way of writing about living—a struggle for many (cough…myself as well) 😘 Thank you for sharing the gift of your humor and joy when you time allows for it! It is such a struggle to find a perfect balance when the scale is always recalculating but I love hearing others admit to readjustments in the culture of consistency being king ❤️
You make me laugh, which is one of the highest compliments I can give someone. I’m looking forward to your oldies but goodies. See you on the other side of summer! ❤️