Before I Forget // December

Our annual Christmas letter + the book you MUST read over Christmas break + the one new recipe I tried this month and the blue light glasses I love.

“The shepherds had an angel, the wisemen had a star; But what have I, a little child, to guide me near from far.” - The Shepherds had an Angel by Christina Rossetti

Lucy and James are in the living room. As I putter around the house, I can see them in their matching pajamas, tucked under their favorite blanket. They’ve spread the Amazon Christmas catalog across their laps, circling and labeling remote controlled cars and friendship bracelet kits, things they didn’t even know they wanted before opening its cover. There’s not a single page that isn’t marked with their names in Lucy’s neat print, arrows pointing to things I look at and think “No, heck no, absolutely not, okay maybe...” They don’t see prices or millions of tiny pieces or—worst of all—“some assembly required”. They see creativity and play and possibility.

More than toys, they see each other in the glossy catalog pages. “You would love this, Lucy!” James says. Love and Lucy sound like “wuv” and “Wucy” and it makes listening to him talk an absolute delight. Ask him to say “yellow” the next time you see him. You won’t regret it.

“James! Look! Do you want me to circle this for you?” Lucy asks, pointing to what I can only guess is something on wheels or with an alphabet soup of a name ending in “saurus”. Based on his enthusiasm, it could be a rare dinosaur on wheels. The best of both worlds.

Meanwhile, I unpack the Christmas books and hang mistletoe in the doorway where Jeff and I can scoop them up as they giggle and squeal in their futile attempts to escape our kisses.

There’s a Christmas book they especially love this year, one we’ve read enough that they could probably recite it from memory. In the story, Auntie Claus patiently teaches her young niece the first and final rule of Christmas. “What is the first and final rule?” I asked them the other day, as we read on the couch. “It is far better to receive than give” James said, confident as can be. For a moment, I could almost hear my grandfather laugh. He would have gotten a kick out of that one. No one understood better the first and final rule of Christmas; that it is far better to give than it is to receive.

But true generosity is a difficult practice. At least it is for me, especially in a world that seems to simultaneously demands my attention and offers me a catalog full of junk every time I open my phone. When life is hard, as it has been in many ways this year, I’m prone to cynicism and selfishness. Generosity, then, becomes an essential practice, not just a nice one. To turn my attention toward the people I love and the strangers for whom my heart will break if I allow it, is the surest path I know to true joy, even if I don’t always choose it. Some assembly still required, I suppose.

In her novel, Death Comes for The Archbishop, Willa Cather wrote “Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” This year, I see the truth of her words everywhere I turn, often where I least expect it. Some of this year’s deepest disappointments turned out to be its greatest gifts. Big questions we worked back and forth like a loose tooth ended up working themselves out in their own time. I still haven’t quite figured out where to put the Christmas tree in this house and next Christmas we’ll need one more stocking to hang from the mantel. But Lucy wants me to wiggle her latest loose tooth and James is standing under the mistletoe, so the rest, I suppose will have to work itself out.

READING

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins — The guy makes some good points, and I won’t take that away from him. It’s absolutely worthwhile to question my limits and regularly do things to test them. And also, I spent most of the book wondering how his obsession with pain, suffering and overcoming any and all limitations impacted the rest of his life. It seemed to me that he was fundamentally unable to just…enjoy himself. At all. Ever. And that, to me, is an equally important life skill. For a book that’s supposed to be motivating I mostly found it incredibly sad.

Grace and Henry’s Holiday Movie Marathon by Matthew Norman — Well, this was just a delight. Grace and Henry are both grieving the loss of their spouses and preparing for their first Christmas without them. A friend of mine recommended this to me based on my love for The Guncle, and I have to say, the two would pair very well. It was such a good time. One minute I’d be laughing and the next I’d have tears welling up in my eyes but even then it wasn’t heavy.

Heartwood Hotel (series) by Kallie George — Where did I hear about these? Maybe we just picked them up at the library on a whim? Who knows. Anyway, this children’s chapter book series has been so fun to read and listen to with the kids. All of us have absolutely loved them.

EATING

I made the peanut miso ramen and it was good. Jeff really liked and it’s not his flavor profile of choice so that’s really saying something. Instead of tofu, I made it with ground pork and the textures clashed a bit for me. It reminded me of a wonderful Thai shrimp curry I had on our honeymoon (twice) and I made a note that the broth would be incredible with shrimp spooned over rice.

LOVING

My friend Catherine gave me a jar of this whipped lemon honey and OH MY GOODNESS IT IS SO GOOD.

My writing friend, Anne, had the coolest chunky framed, avocado green blue light glasses on the last time our little group got together and she inspired me to finally buy a pair. I can’t find the ones I have but there are so many cute ones. You really can’t go wrong. Don’t spend actual years thinking about buying a pair like I did.

These snow/rain suits I got for the kids last year are saving our lives. You know that saying “there’s no such thing as bad weather”? With these, there really isn’t. We went to the playground on a particularly rainy, cold, windy, gross day and even though we were only there for a little while, that little while made all the difference. They could swing, slide and climb on the wet playground while staying completely dry.

CONTEMPLATING