Before I Forget // March

The joy of new hobbies, snacks for lunch, better reading experiences and more.

I’m stretched out on a couch in my grandmother’s Florida condo with a white noise machine outside the door when a client we’ll call Celia flat out asked me “So can you tell me what to do?” A high achieving self described people pleaser, my first thought is that she sounds like me 10 years ago. My second thought is that she sounds like me 10 minutes ago.

When the future is filled with questions that don’t have clear answers, when you‘re so far from where you thought you’d be, don’t you just want someone to tell you what to do?

Empathy means “to feel with” and in that moment, she said out loud what I had been feeling. Can someone just tell me what to do? But as a therapist, it’s not my job to fix someone’s problems or deliver them from their pain, though God knows I sometimes do and want to more often than that.

I sat on the other end of the line, wanting to say something helpful, every thought sounding like Cher Horowitz asking “Have you, like, tried self-care?”

Instead, after a long pause, I asked her what she likes to do on vacation, which ended up being exactly the right question.

I’m thinking about vacation because I’m on vacation, sort of. Vacation is a generous term for traveling with two small children but it’s sunny and 80 degrees in Florida while there’s snow on the ground back home, so close enough. We take long walks every morning and spend hours by the pool, coated in ghostly layers of SPF 70. Dinner is served sometime before bedtime and is decided mostly on the fly.

Vacation opens up a sense of ease and possibility in us that’s about as easy to find back home as finding a parking space at the beach during spring break.

Vacation says we’ve got time.

Vacation says we’ll figure it out as we go.

Vacation says we’re here for such a short time. We might as well enjoy it.

READING

“This is about how we all have events in our lives that stretch us beyond capacity. Circumstances that expose what is deeply buried within our hearts. When seams of our own sewing begin to pull and rip, no longer able to contain our ugly insides.” - Sonya Spillman

“You have to be able, when the lonely moment comes, to be your own actual friend; to tell yourself that you can do the thing even though it’s hard or terrible.” - Emily P. Freeman

The Guncle by Steven Rowley ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is one of my all time favorite books! A hilarious and heartwarming summer unfolds when Patrick’s niece and nephew come to live with him for the summer. The follow-up title The Guncle Abroad releases in May! One of my most anticipated books of the year. Look for a book pairing of this one soon!

Play For Me by Libby Hubscher ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

A very cute enemies to lovers closed door rom com set at a New England boarding school, this was a lovely little snack that didn’t feel beachy.

The Mostly True Story of Tanner & Louise by Colleen Oakley ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I want to say this book was recommended in a recent issue of Verily magazine and I was not disappointed. If you loved Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Va Pelt, I think you’ll enjoy this.

EATING

It’s not something I’ve written much about, but I spent most of my teens and twenties in a severely disordered relationship with food, restricting and controlling what and how much I ate in extreme and harmful ways and it’s still a habit I fall into in times of stress, a way for me to gain control when life feels out of control. One of my favorite things to give myself, especially on vacation, is a really beautiful lunch. I love filling a plate from corner to corner with a little bit of this and a little bit of that and picking at it poolside or stretched out on the couch with a novel. Food is such a tactile way to communicate love and safety to our bodies, and I find that especially true on vacation.

LOVING

This beginner embroidery kit includes everything you need to learn basic embroidery stitches and make a lovely sampler. It’s like color by number but with thread. Highly recommend adding the stork scissors and a needle minder to your order. Pairs well with Jeopardy and a glass of rosè. Proudly in my retiree era but only after 8 pm because kids.

When I started writing Book Pairings, it was out of a desire for a more satisfying reading experience. Due in large part to the barrage of new titles constantly presented on Bookstagram, I was rushing through books just to get to the next one, and it left me anxious and unhappy in my reading life. This episode of Kelly Corrigan Wonders explores what mindfulness really means. How we read matters so much more than how much we read and this is why I love writing and sharing Book Pairings each month.

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