We all need a GRACE in our lives. I did not have a nanny with my children, tried to take it all on, and they lived through the experience, but in hindsight, I would have been a better version of myself and my children would have probably loved every minute of a fresh person to love on them and play with them in a different way. I hope that all of us mothers support others’ decisions and allow ourselves to be “mothered”. Happy Mother’s Day … thoroughly enjoyed reading your post!!!
Big confession: I used to be envious of the nanny we had for a short two months before my budget broke. Jealous because she got to stay home with my child and jealous she got to leave when a shift was done. I feel the conflict here and I am praying for you, that you find a little more peace and can keep Grace as long as you need.
It’s such a weird situation isn’t it?! Like I want that time for myself. I want to be with them. But also I want to be a whole adult person doing adult things I can’t do (or can’t do well) with my children around and I want them to have a mother who is a whole person. So when I’m with them I want a break and when I have the break I want to be with them. THE TENSION! THE ANGST! Motherhood, man. IT’S A TRIP!
This turned out so lovely! And also works to validate those who aren’t able to hire help because it makes me feel more grace for the mess and things I’m not getting done on my own. And why I am tapped out by 7pm even though there’s a couple more hours of work and love and care to give. It feels impossible to do it all, and maybe it’s just not realistic to think I could without help (especially when my partner barely functions beyond working two jobs to support the chaos). Something is always slipping through the cracks.
I’m really relieved to hear that, Leslie. One of my biggest struggles with having the support and writing about the support is wanting to be conscious and kind toward those who don’t have the same access to that kind of support without constantly apologizing for having the support. I’m so glad you felt seen and acknowledged. You do SO MUCH and I am proud to know you.
We got a babysitter/nanny when my girls were around 1 and 3. It was the best thing I could've done for ALL of us. I am a better, saner, more happy mother (and person) because of her.
I'm grateful you wrote this. I especially felt seen at the part about keeping the kids in church and how we are supposed to like that. I never could. I always wanted them in the nursery, and I've felt guilty about that for years. Even today when I hear the importance of it (and the importance of mothers enjoying that), I want to know if it's universal. Do ALL mothers feel this way? What is wrong with me then? Anyway, what a rant I've gone on. This is all to say, thank you for writing this. It came at a perfect time.
Telling someone that they should going to church with their kids should bring them joy is like telling them getting a cavity filled should bring them joy. It’s such a harmful message that perpetuates shame and isolation. So now that you (and I say you as a broad you, not you you) are convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, you’re not going to talk about it AND you’re playing the part of a mom who enjoys taking her kids to church, all of which is exhausting and isolating and perpetuates a culture of shame and silence and inauthenticity.
ANYWAY, I could go on and on and on. Thank you, Callie.
this mom doesn't enjoy having her daughter in church. :) OK, that's not entirely true—our church has elementary age and up stay for worship and then go to Sunday School during the sermon—and I do love holding her hand or having my arm around her while I worship. But I do not enjoy the "family Sundays" when she is wiggling next to me during the sermon. It's hard enough for me to concentrate when she isn't with me!
“When Grace shows up, I get to disappear.” I really love this line. Beautiful essay, Krista, so glad you’re part of this revolving circle of mothering and that you’ve shared about it. 💕♾️
Krista, this is SO GOOD. I've had "write about the nannies I've hired and the women I used to nanny for" on my "to write" list for ages. It's true—I never thought ill of the moms for wanting my help, and I absolutely LOVED being a nanny. I also nannied for years and years and remain close with several of the families! My childhood babysitter is still one of my mom's closest friends. It's such a gift. Nannies absolutely mother the mothers.
That happens to me ALL THE TIME. I have it in my mind to write about ______ and then someone in Exhale writes about ______. I cannot wait to read Laura’s Version when the time comes.
Krista, this was too good! Thank you for sharing this with honesty and humor ❤️
Thank you, Megan!!
You took all the thoughts in my head and articulated them perfectly. Love this! I need to start looking for a Grace.
Oh I’m so glad! Happy Mother’s Day, Kristin!
We all need a GRACE in our lives. I did not have a nanny with my children, tried to take it all on, and they lived through the experience, but in hindsight, I would have been a better version of myself and my children would have probably loved every minute of a fresh person to love on them and play with them in a different way. I hope that all of us mothers support others’ decisions and allow ourselves to be “mothered”. Happy Mother’s Day … thoroughly enjoyed reading your post!!!
Thank you for sharing, Ellen! It’s a gift to learn from the experience of mothers further ahead on the trail! Happy Mother’s Day!
Big confession: I used to be envious of the nanny we had for a short two months before my budget broke. Jealous because she got to stay home with my child and jealous she got to leave when a shift was done. I feel the conflict here and I am praying for you, that you find a little more peace and can keep Grace as long as you need.
Thank you for sharing that. I relate so hard!
It’s such a weird situation isn’t it?! Like I want that time for myself. I want to be with them. But also I want to be a whole adult person doing adult things I can’t do (or can’t do well) with my children around and I want them to have a mother who is a whole person. So when I’m with them I want a break and when I have the break I want to be with them. THE TENSION! THE ANGST! Motherhood, man. IT’S A TRIP!
This turned out so lovely! And also works to validate those who aren’t able to hire help because it makes me feel more grace for the mess and things I’m not getting done on my own. And why I am tapped out by 7pm even though there’s a couple more hours of work and love and care to give. It feels impossible to do it all, and maybe it’s just not realistic to think I could without help (especially when my partner barely functions beyond working two jobs to support the chaos). Something is always slipping through the cracks.
I definitely needed to read this today! 💜
I’m really relieved to hear that, Leslie. One of my biggest struggles with having the support and writing about the support is wanting to be conscious and kind toward those who don’t have the same access to that kind of support without constantly apologizing for having the support. I’m so glad you felt seen and acknowledged. You do SO MUCH and I am proud to know you.
GORGEOUS ESSAY Krista! Loved every word, and enjoyed your voice, as I always do. <3
Thank you for your constant encouragement, Lisa!
Love this, Krista.
We got a babysitter/nanny when my girls were around 1 and 3. It was the best thing I could've done for ALL of us. I am a better, saner, more happy mother (and person) because of her.
I'm grateful you wrote this. I especially felt seen at the part about keeping the kids in church and how we are supposed to like that. I never could. I always wanted them in the nursery, and I've felt guilty about that for years. Even today when I hear the importance of it (and the importance of mothers enjoying that), I want to know if it's universal. Do ALL mothers feel this way? What is wrong with me then? Anyway, what a rant I've gone on. This is all to say, thank you for writing this. It came at a perfect time.
Telling someone that they should going to church with their kids should bring them joy is like telling them getting a cavity filled should bring them joy. It’s such a harmful message that perpetuates shame and isolation. So now that you (and I say you as a broad you, not you you) are convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, you’re not going to talk about it AND you’re playing the part of a mom who enjoys taking her kids to church, all of which is exhausting and isolating and perpetuates a culture of shame and silence and inauthenticity.
ANYWAY, I could go on and on and on. Thank you, Callie.
this mom doesn't enjoy having her daughter in church. :) OK, that's not entirely true—our church has elementary age and up stay for worship and then go to Sunday School during the sermon—and I do love holding her hand or having my arm around her while I worship. But I do not enjoy the "family Sundays" when she is wiggling next to me during the sermon. It's hard enough for me to concentrate when she isn't with me!
That was awesome!
“When Grace shows up, I get to disappear.” I really love this line. Beautiful essay, Krista, so glad you’re part of this revolving circle of mothering and that you’ve shared about it. 💕♾️
Krista, this is SO GOOD. I've had "write about the nannies I've hired and the women I used to nanny for" on my "to write" list for ages. It's true—I never thought ill of the moms for wanting my help, and I absolutely LOVED being a nanny. I also nannied for years and years and remain close with several of the families! My childhood babysitter is still one of my mom's closest friends. It's such a gift. Nannies absolutely mother the mothers.
That happens to me ALL THE TIME. I have it in my mind to write about ______ and then someone in Exhale writes about ______. I cannot wait to read Laura’s Version when the time comes.
it really is the darnedest thing!